I see myself as a questioner.
Now, some people would think that is absurd. I’m a sold-out Catholic in love with my Faith, my Lord, and my Church. To some that makes me anything but a questioner. It makes me a blind follower, a box checker, or simply a fool.
Obviously, I disagree with them.
Looking back on my journey, it is apparent that my questioning brought me to my faith. Wrestling with everything from the point of existence to the existence of God to What about Mary to all of that Catholic morality brought me to where I am today.
So the question for today: What’s in a name?
As a college student wrestling with my identity in the world, in my family, and on my campus I began to write. I wrote the same stuff that many do at some point during their early or late adolescence. I wrote about love and a lack of love. I wrote about purpose and a lack of purpose. I wrote about nothing at all and everything at once. I wrote like every emo teenager of my generation, knowing I was the only one who could put down those words, but terrified that everyone else had said it all before — only with a bigger thesaurus. I would write in an obsessive flurry, as if compelled to get the words on paper. The writing was never a struggle. The area I struggled and wrestled with was the name. Not the name for my “work”. No, that was simple. It was my name. I had a childhood dream at my fingertips; to take on a pseudonym, an alter ego. Who would I be? I had done this plenty of times with the countless hours that I spent playing RPG’s and D&D. I knew the name had to be good.
As I looked at all I had written, my struggles with right and wrong, existence, meaning, God, and love. I had one realization about what this collection of 3am monologues had in common. They were all the inner struggle of an apathetic doubter trying to pin his beliefs to the ground. That is when the name rang clear, Thomas Creed.
While not practicing my faith, I knew enough to know the story of ‘Doubting’ Thomas and I knew the word Credo meant belief. So my name was chosen for me and eight years later this is where it has brought me. Just as Tolkien, Pullman, and Rowling use names to give the reader a clue into the significance of past, present, or future. Or just as Scripture provides names of great meaning that align with one’s purpose. So too that name has rang true for me.
So what’s in a name? My story. It is through my doubting that I came to my belief.